THE SEVEN STAGES

PASSION STAGE
You may be in the Passion Stage if your relationship is all about the two of you and the excitement, sex and intimacy you are experiencing.
Action: Strengthen your sense of “us” – make time for each other, leave work at work.

REALIZATION STAGE
You may be in the Realization Stage if you find you are beginning to get to know each other’s real strengths and weaknesses.
Action: Develop the important communication habits – listening and confiding – that are essential to expanding understanding and trust. Consider enrolling in a couples communication class.

REBELLION STAGE
You may be in the Rebellion Stage when each of you is seeking to assert your self-interests and you end up having volatile – or hidden – power struggles.
Action: Learn how to negotiate and keep agreements – keeping promises builds trust. Identify areas of difference and start talking about them – one at a time. Don’t change the subject.

COOPERATION STAGE
You maybe in the Cooperation Stage if both you and your spouse seem more preoccupied with the kids, money, home and work and you start to feel like business partners more than lovers.
Action: Make your marriage a priority, de-stress and keep the passion alive. Set up a regular date night. Find a babysitter!

REUNION STAGE
You may be in the Reunion Stage if you have an ‘empty nest’ and begin to have more time for yourself and for each other to renew your friendship and passion.
Action: Refocus on your marriage, get off autopilot & unpack any old baggage. Plan some special events that bring back good memories.

EXPLOSION STAGE
You may be in the Explosion Stage, which can happen anytime, if you are experiencing major career, health, parenting and family crises.
Action: Make use of emotional, physical and spiritual support for yourself, your spouse and your marriage. Pay attention to your physical and emotional health and well-being.

COMPLETION STAGE
You may be in the Completion Stage as stability and security reign and you enjoy each other and the life you have created.
Action: Look to create a new sense of meaning & purpose for yourselves & your marriage. Establish a special project that you will begin together.

We all come into marriage with a set of mostly unconscious ideas about how great things will be—that no human spouse can meet. “Expectations like ‘Everything will be fabulous, this is my one true love, this person will make me finally happy, I’ll avoid every mistake I’ve made in the past’ put a huge burden on ourselves and our spouses and our marriages,” says Patty Howell, a relationship counselor and author of World Class Marriage: The Art and Science of Relationship Success. “We judge what’s really happening very harshly when we use those standards.”

Talk calmly and confidently about your needs and wants.

Your spouse cannot read your mind. Many spouses report that sharing their feelings, thoughts, desires, and expectations feels scary; others just don’t know how.

Why it’s vital: Clamming up in order to preserve the status quo will just leave you resentful and angry and keeps your spouse in the dark. Coming on too strong will put your partner on the defensive.

Listen empathetically to your spouse.

Create a safe haven where your partner can reveal his or her innermost emotions, thoughts, ideas, and expectations—without your jumping to conclusions, inadvertently criticizing your partner’s vulnerable feelings, or trying to fix things when your spouse simply needs a listening ear. The combination of open, honest talk and empathetic listening fosters acceptance and deeper understanding—making the two of you feel safer and closer.


Be your real, full seland let your spouse be, too.

New research from the University of California, Los Angeles, finds that newlyweds who act as friends as well as lovers have happier marriages. Try to be more genuine, more empathetic, and more accepting—friendship skills that go beyond communication techniques to bring your heart, soul, and whole being into your relationship.

Sort out the laundry…and the dishes…and the vacuuming.

Housework can be an early battleground for couples. Think about how to get past traditional roles and divide the work fairly. Don’t be afraid to talk about it and make plans—it’s not a petty subject.

Become expert money managers.

No subject sparks more couples conflicts than money. Research shows that newlyweds today face a new challenge: significant debt brought into marriage from school loans, car payments, credit cards, medical bills, and the wedding and honeymoon.

Find out how your money personalities can work for—not against—you as you set a calm, organized course toward meeting your financial goals and achieving your dreams.